Challenging Unhelpful Introjects
On the journey towards recovery, one fundamental, though often discounted, truth stands out: you cannot hate yourself into healing. Bullying yourself into becoming a better person is not only ineffective, but deeply harmful. Research consistently shows that negative self-talk can have a detrimental impact on physical and mental health (Rosenfeld, 2019). Just as we know that being bullied or criticized by others can break down self-esteem, the same principle applies when the critic is you.
Humans are sensitive to repetitive messages, and we begin to internalize them as truth over time. “If you repeat a lie long enough, it becomes the truth.” Gestalt therapy calls these automated, unevaluated, internalized messages “introjects.”
Social scientists call this well-studied phenomenon, of a person rating continually repeated information as more likely to be factual, the “illusory truth effect” (Hasher L, 1977). This effect, in part, is why propaganda is so effective (Hassan, 2021). Therefore, if you constantly tell yourself that you are bad, unworthy, or destined to fail, it becomes difficult to believe anything else. Consequently, when you achieve something positive, it can feel like a fluke rather than a reflection of your true capabilities. You may even feel like a fraud when people think well of you, believing that it's only a matter of time until they see the truth.
Negative self-talk often emerges from having overly high expectations placed on us by caregivers or by ourselves. For many, self-criticism has become a coping mechanism – thought to help us achieve, fall in line, or protect us from the pain of feeling criticism from others. “No one can criticize me better than myself!” While this may have been a survival strategy that was at some point deemed to be necessary, this perfectionistic thought process often leads to increased anxiety, depression, and even suicidal thoughts (O’Connor, 2008).
By contrast, positive self-talk has been shown to be a greater motivator, linked to better outcomes. Those who practice self-compassion tend to experience improved mental health and well-being. When we shift from self-criticism to believing in ourselves, we can achieve more meaningful and lasting growth.
Rather than repeatedly cycling in unhelpful introjects, let’s explore an alternative approach. What if we experimented with kindness and cooperation - both towards ourselves and others? By adopting a more compassionate stance, we will likely find that our stress levels will decrease, our self-esteem will improve, and we will be better able to recognize and celebrate our successes. This shift in perspective is not about denying our challenges, but rather about treating ourselves with the same kindness and respect most would offer to a beloved friend.
The first step is identifying the critical message. Note that it may not be verbal, it may be a sensation or an emotional feeling, but most people know the “ick” sensation that comes along with a self-critical message. If you can catch it, notice what that criticism is trying to do. Is it trying to protect you from an unpleasant feeling? From a social faux pas? To motivate you to perform well? You can validate the intention of the critical message while meeting it with self-compassion and understanding for what it is trying to protect you from or do for you. As radical as it may seem, you can even express gratitude for its well meaning attempt to help, while letting it know that its method of help is no longer useful for you. This is self-compassion at its most adaptive.
So, let’s give this new approach a chance. Embrace kindness over criticism and observe the impact it has on your mental health. At GPS, our mission is to support you in your journey toward a more self-compassionate and fulfilling life.
Meet the Authors:
Savannah Betancourt, PsyD
Clinical Psychologist
Contact: SavannahBetancourtPsyD@Gmail.com
Stephanie Goldsmith, PhD
Practice Owner and Clinical Psychologist
Contact: StephGoldsmithPhD@gmail.com
References:
Hasher, L., Goldstein, D., & Toppino, T. (1977). Frequency and the conference of referential validity. Journal of verbal learning and verbal behavior, 16(1), 107-112.
Hassan, A., & Barber, S. J. (2021). The effects of repetition frequency on the illusory truth effect. Cognitive research: principles and implications, 6(1), 38.
O'Connor, R. C. (2007). The relations between perfectionism and suicidality: A systematic review. Suicide and Life-Threatening Behavior, 37(6), 698-714.
Rosenfeld, A. J. (2019). The neuroscience of happiness and well-being: What brain findings from optimism and compassion reveal. Child and Adolescent Psychiatric Clinics, 28(2), 137-146.
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